dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
