The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
