You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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