I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
