This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This girl is more easily done than said...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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