So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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