The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i now understand why vodka
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
