cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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