Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
