the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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