we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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