totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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