Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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