No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And then my night got REAL pukey
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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