Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
