I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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