You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
