I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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