i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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