You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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