please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
