o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i believe in u and ur pee
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
