We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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