I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
