found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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