Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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