I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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