Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
