i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
