Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
