You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
