you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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