I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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