She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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