After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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