Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
