so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize