It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
