everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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