If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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