I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
