i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
