Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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