Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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