Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
