I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
