what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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