On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
