I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She bit a glass in half.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
