the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
