Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
