the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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