I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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