My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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