dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
