Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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