boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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