I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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