remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
