There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
