just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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