Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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