Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
