It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Houston, we have a blender
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
