he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
