Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
