I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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