I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's blow job season.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
