I wish I could punch you in the face.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
