party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
