I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
