i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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