this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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