why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We left an ass print on the piano.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
