wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
